“The state in which I am, it is something special for me. My world, into which I am immersed. If you try to describe it in words, this is similar to the night of the pig, the spiritual DNA in which you stand and scream, and in response only your echo, for there is no one but you there, it's cold and whatever you do in life, what would you do not get it, everything falls through, well, yes, there are moments of illusion when here and you think that the hole is full, and exit is visible. But what is the point, if all these victories, money, work, they do not bring deliverance and do not patch this hole? Then the illusion disappears and you start again from the very beginning, leaving in itself. Therefore, when I met that, I considered it a salvation, as a reward for my torment. I met a man who genuinely understood and knew this feeling. He saved me, guided me in this tunnel which we call "Life", he was my light. At the moment he disappeared, I was scared, and the feeling of empty is unbearable. It's scary, and the feeling of EMPTY is intolerable and I was like a blind kitten who lost its mother and did not know where to go. The feeling of inner emptiness became unbearable and required immediate filling, anything: impressions, food, shuffle, communication with people, hard work, and when it did not help, I began to eat, and without stopping. I felt a strong "draft" inside, strong instability, lack of support, insecurity. My parents did not understand, they do not even know me, WHO I am. How I live, who I am as a person, they know only their daughter, but not me.”
